WALKING BUDDIES: Part 22 - Family Reunion - December 6, 2008

The Lord said to Jacob, “Go back to the land of your
fathers and to your relatives, and I will be with you.”
Genesis 31:3

Family reunions can be stressful. A pastor once told me that he does far more family counseling in the aftermath of Thanksgiving than at any other time of the year.

In some families, there are personality clashes that set everyone on an anticipatory edge, dreading yet another unfestive family fiasco. The stew of dysfunction is already brewing...

On the other end of the spectrum are the families in which individuals, or even groups of kin, haven’t spoken to each other for years. It may even be taboo to mention the outcast’s name.

After stealing his brother’s birthright and blessing, Jacob fled his family, fearing that his twin brother, Esau, might kill him. He’d not broken bread with his family for over twenty years. The cutoff in this family was cavernous.

And now God was instructing Jacob to return to the scene of his deceit. It was with both fear and longing that Jacob obediently set out with his growing family and flocks for a momentous family reunion.

As Jacob drew near to his homeland, he sent messengers to Esau saying, “Your servant Jacob says, ‘I have been staying with Laban and have remained there till now… Now I am sending this message to my lord, that I may find favor in your eyes.’” (Genesis 32: 4-5 NIV)

When his messengers returned with the news that Esau was coming to meet Jacob—with 400 men—Jacob was afraid and prepared for the possibility of being attacked. He divided his people and herds into groups which he sent out ahead of himself and his wives and children, each with a generous peace offering for Esau.

The pivot point on which this story turns is prayer. Jacob was in conversation with God, both in listening for God’s voice and in baring his heart to his intimately involved, loving God: "O Lord… I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness… Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau…" (Genesis 32:10-11 NIV)

Despite his long history of deception, God loved Jacob and gave him much more than the desires of his heart: “Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept.” (Genesis 33:4 NIV) Gazing at Esau through his tears, Jacob uttered, “…to see your face is like seeing the face of God…” (Genesis 33:10 NIV)

Is there a rift in your heart and family that needs healing this Christmas? If so, may you be encouraged by the reunion of Jacob and Esau.

How have you been a Jacob, robbing your family of God’s blessing?

How have you been an Esau, betrayed and hurt?

Life is too short and too precious to waste even a nanosecond in hardness of heart or paralyzed in pain. Like Jacob, may you be obedient and repentant. And like Esau, may your face be as the face of God.

Grace Happening People - "A" is for Accepting and Affirming

June 23, 2007

This is the third installment of a twelve-week summer series based on the anagram “GRACE HAPPENS,” each letter representing a quality that equips us to be “Grace Happening People.”

“A” is for…
Grace Happening People are Accepting and Affirming

In a competitive, materialistic, get-ahead-at-all-costs world, it is important for Grace Happening people to provide the gift of acceptance and affirmation. Everywhere we turn, we get the message that we are not good enough, fast enough, smart enough, rich enough, or pretty or handsome enough. Everything seems to hinge on performance and production—fast and efficient, clever and high-tech, sleek and slim.

In the atmosphere of grace, however, we are affirmed, not just for our strengths and goodness, our talents and contributions, but for who we are in Christ. Our worth is not based on what we do—but rather on who Christ is—and who we are in Christ. In a grace-permeated climate, there is even an affirming of our flawed nature. According to Gerald May, author of Addiction and Grace, “our incompleteness is what draws us toward God and one another. If we do not fill our minds with guilt and self-recriminations, we will recognize our incompleteness as a kind of open space into which we can welcome the flow of grace. We can think of our inadequacies as terrible defects, if we want, and hate ourselves. But we can also think of them affirmatively, as doorways through which the power of grace can enter our lives. Then we may begin to appreciate our inherent God given loveable-ness.”

Gerald May is focusing on self-acceptance here, which I believe is essential to our becoming Grace Happening People. And in order to truly accept ourselves, we must first understand that “it’s not about me”; it’s about God. It’s not about my flaws; it’s about God’s perfect plan to save me, empower me, and use me. It’s not about how good I am; it’s about GRACE. My flaws and my goodness are neither here nor there; it’s about who I am in Christ. I am a one-of-a-kind creation of God, wooed into God’s love and grace by the Holy Spirit and saved by Jesus. I don’t comprehend it, but I believe it. I must admit, though, that the edges of my faith are frayed with doubt, because it’s just too good to be true and it so foreign to the way we humans think.

Acceptance does not come easy in many situations, whether that be acceptance of self, or others or, circumstances. I am a “recovering perfectionist” and I am never done putting the finishing touches on anything. I’ve got my husband pretty well the way I want him, but it’s taken thirty-four years to smooth out his edges. And life would be great if so-and-so would get their act together, and if they’d find a cure for arthritis, and if my middle would stop expanding, and if…

I know that I’m not alone when I ponder the “Serenity Prayer” given us by Reinhold Niebuhr:

God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
and extremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
(Complete, unabridged, original version.)

If I can’t change things, I guess the next best thing to do is to find what I can to affirm—in myself, others, and circumstances—and affirm it!

Grace Happening people accept and affirm the flawed nature of themselves and others, recognizing the very presence of grace drawing them toward God and into fellowship with one another. Thank you, God, for our grace-filled flaws that lead us deeper and deeper into your love!